my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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