So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
