when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
