I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
