uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
