Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
