Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
this beer tastes like vomit already
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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