im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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