a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
