i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
