Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
