I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
