she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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