Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
