There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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