I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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