ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
