you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
