you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I know her cup size but not her name....
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