I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
