She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Alive.
So much puke
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
