If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
