WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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