Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
