i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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