Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
