I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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