My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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