She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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