I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
