this beer tastes like vomit already
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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