it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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