taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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