Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
