What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
