I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
