I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
