There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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