Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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