Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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