So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
