I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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