You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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