Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Randomize
