we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
