Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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