I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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