What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
