Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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