here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
