I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
