please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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