four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
