Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Randomize
